She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
