New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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