$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
