I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
