I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
