T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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