Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
