Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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