You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
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I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
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Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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