Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
