Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
