His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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