Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
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so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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