we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
