I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
