I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just cropdusted the office
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
