ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
