At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
