I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
