I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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