Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
false alarm, still single
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