It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
