Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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