so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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