Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
