too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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