Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
