I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
