I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
