even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
