I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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