He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
