nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
