I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
