No stitches, just platelets and will power
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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