So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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