is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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