I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
