I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
