meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
