I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
