I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
