last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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