When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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