We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
