i already hear my dad disowning me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
