Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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