well you can't waste a boner
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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