Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This baby is an asshole
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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