dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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