My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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