Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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