Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i drank out of a bidet.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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