Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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