Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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