you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
