1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
