Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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