I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
