I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
