We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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