Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
