I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
