Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
