everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
