That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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