Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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