we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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