She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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