Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
