Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
